time vs memories

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Often a client, who has suffered the loss of a loved one, will say things like:

” I know time will heal all things” or “It’ll get easier with time

Yet I feel that all time does is dull our MEMORIES and makes it easier to forget?        clock

So, the question is: ” Do you want to forget or are you wanting to remember the loved one without pain?”

If you want to remember without pain, then time will not help.

Perhaps we can tweak these clichés and say: “I will heal despite time” or “It’ll get easier with MEMORIES”?

So…don’t depend on time to heal you, because you will be disappointed, rather depend on MEMORIES TO HEAL 😊

i remember

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“MIRROR-MIRROR ON THE WALL…”

“Mirror – Mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of us all?”

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You remember this quote? Yes, it is from Snow White.

In my “prop” collection, I have a wooden mirror, which I like to use for certain situations. On the front of the mirror is written: “This is what I see” and on the back: “is it ALL true?”

When I ask a client to describe themselves, using the mirror, I often get a string of negative adjectives…

” I’m ugly, I’m useless, I’m a failure, I’m stupid,” 

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Then I ask them to turn the mirror around, and answer the question that is painted on the back: “Is it ALL true?”

back of mirror

The first step to working through negative self-assessment is to see what adjectives are true and what is a result of a biased or unbalanced self-view. If you say you are “stupid” is this truth? To answer this question, you first have to define what stupid is.. and so starts a realistic and truthful assessment of each negative adjective you have attributed to yourself.

The adjectives that are TRUE can CHANGED and those that are FALSE can be REMOVED from your list of self-descriptions 😊

SO ………………………… go stand in front of your mirror today……

you ask : “Mirror – Mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of us all?”

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you answer:  “I might not be the fairest, but I’m close enough!” 

LOVE AN ANGRY HULK!

As a creative counsellor, I make use of many props and visual aids in my counselling.

So today I would like to introduce my favourite one – THE ANGRY HULK

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I use HULK to bring lessons of anger across to my clients – young and old.

SO why HULK?

BECAUSE: HULK teaches us that anger in and of itself is not wrong, nor can it be unproductive. Anger is an incredibly powerful emotion, just as love and happiness are. It is responsible for changes in people’s lives and in the world today. His anger highlights injustices and victimization and exploitation of others.

ANGRY HULK is not bad, he just struggles to express this emotion like many people do.

SO  ……………………………….. LOVE THE ANGRY HULK !

 

“Have a MILKSHAKE TALK!”

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When a parent asks me, “how can I have a conversation with my reluctant child without it ending in disappointment?”, I reply…

“HAVE A MILKSHAKE TALK!”

It often happens that when a parent gets the opportunity to have that long-awaited conversation, it ends in disappointment ☹

Q: WHY?

ANS: Because you forgot to “MILKSHAKE your talk!”

When you drink an icy milkshake, you need to remember to sip it slowly, else you end up with that piercing ‘ice-cream headache”, so apply the same principle to your conversation…tension-headache

THEREFORE:

  • Take the conversation s l o w l y – don’t rush in and ask a multitude of questions
  • Let your child set the pace of the conversation and its depth.
  • Don’t try and extend the conversation when it’s clear your child doesn’t want to say more – pushing for more response is like gulping down the milkshake and you ending with an “ice-cream headache” and your child walking out in a huff

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REMEMBER: 1 successful conversation will lead to more successful conversations!!

SO…

 HAVE A MILKSHAKE TALK TODAY!!!

 

I’m Like WINDOLENE!

 

GSCLE3780When people ask me to share what it is I do, I like to use the analogy of a household detergent-Windolene

Windolene’s function is to clean a window so that you are able to see clearly through it.

As a counsellor, I perform the same function!

I help clarify any difficulties or problems a client has.

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How often do we make the mistake of making decisions based on our impressions of what we THINK the issue is because we viewing it through a dull and unclear window?

Thus, what we see is more of what we THINK we see, than what it is actually there.

Trees can look like poles and a tortoise like a rock.

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Making choices or changes built on assumptions can magnify problems in relationships, home, or within ourselves.

So…

Let me be your windolene and help you CLARIFY!

“That Was Then!”

Sometimes it’s necessary to take a trip back in time and remind a client:

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Usually a traumatic childhood experience THEN is interpreted in a child-like manner and thus it’s almost impossible for them, as a child, to understand it.

But…THAT WAS THEN!

Now, as an adult, we are better equipped and thus it becomes possible to understand and work through the experience 🙂

 

Measure URself, URself!

They say a picture says a 1 000 words, so that’s why I use props and visual aids in my counselling.
Often a prop can say more with one glance, than I can say in a few sentences.

Some of my props include: posters of superheroes, unusual looking soft toys, skeletons and even chocolate moulds!
Today I am excited to add another prop to my collection:

“Measure Urself Ruler”

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Sometimes I tell a client that if you are wanting to get measured or graded – do it URself!

This way the reasons you’ve “graded” yourself as you have, are clear and explorable. Letting others measure you often leaves you in the dark as to why you only received that “grading”, and it can make you feel powerless to do anything about it.

So… the next time you are being measured

STOP THEM !!!

and

MEASURE URSelf, URself!

 

SUPERMAN -beneath the shirt-

To observers, SUPERMAN dressed as Clark Kent, appears to be your average man-on-the-street, and not the superhero he really is beneath.

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As Clark Kent, he is judged and often found wanting and insignificant – not worthwhile.

Unfortunately, people often make this error of judging the worthiness of another through observable circumstances – whether that person is unemployed, is in a failing marriage, has troubled children, is depressed.

YET, isn’t it amazing to notice that Clark Kent never rips open his shirt and shows those who misjudge him, that he is in fact their superhero – SUPERMAN!

WHY????

Because…. HE doesn’t need to prove his worth!!

He KNOWS his own WORTH!!!

He KNOWS he is strong and powerful, useful and effective and worthy, no matter what he wears, what he drives, where he works, or what life circumstances he finds himself in.

He KNOWS what is beneath his shirt!

So the next time you are erroneously judged…go to a mirror and…

RIP OPEN YOUR SHIRT!

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And see the BLUE-RED VEST beneath and

KNOW your WORTH!!!!

 

“JuSt BeCauSe”

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On entering my counselling room this is the very first thing you will read:

“Love Yourself JUST BECAUSE”

I display this phrase because I find it simply powerful. There are times when we search for a reason to give ourselves as to why we should be valued, worthwhile or lovable, and so we begin this quest looking for any reasons to give back to ourselves as an answer. This quest starts off hopeful, yet it isn’t long before we realize that there isn’t any satisfying reason to be found. Eventually, what started out as a positive search, becomes negative and soon we find ourselves becoming despondent.

So, I would like to suggest, that the next time you doubt your value, worthiness or reason to be loved, just repeat this phrase: I am valuable/worthy and lovable…JUST BECAUSE” and thus your search will end!

 

“Cementing” my sessions

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As a counselor with a *unique* approach to the counseling of children, adolescents and adults – I find these little cement discs I have made very insightful. After each session, I offer the client a cement disc with a word/words written on them. The client’s choice of disc acts as a reflection of what they have discovered about themselves during the session, and reveals to me a little of where they are at after a session. Clients also use these discs as a way of “summing up” how they are now feeling and what their future intentions are going to be.

Although these cement discs are simple, they have a profound ‘ability’ to help clients verbalize their emotions, attitudes and perspectives clearly:)

I just *LOVE* them!