Does the TRUTH … HURT?

You are probably familiar with the phrase: THE TRUTH HURTS”?

But it is NOT the truth that hurts, it’s the HALF the truth that hurts!

If you need to tell someone the truth, remember to tell the WHOLE TRUTH, or you will unintentionally state inaccuracies and leave the listener feeling hopeless. You will, unintentionally, pass judgment by speaking only half the truth.

Example of a HALF truth spoken:

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“Your relationships always end poorly, so don’t expect to have a happy marriage!”

The Listener is left with the idea of there being little chance of a successful marriage and feels hopeless

Example of a WHOLE truth spoken:

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 “Your relationships that have ended poorly can be due to a number of factors, and because you are expecting to have a happy marriage, its best to discover these factors.”

The Listener can acknowledge the quality of his/her past relationships and realize that there are factors to consider if the expectation of a happy marriage is to be achieved, and feels HOPE 🙂

So…. Tell the TRUTH…

THE WHOLE TRUTH!!!

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Starting “BIG School” ADVICE!

In South Africa, many children are starting “BIG SCHOOL” (grade 1) for the FIRST time this year, and parents are wanting to give their children some ADVICE before sending them off to school.

Listed below are my 1-2-3  words of ADVICE:teaching-strategies-positive-classroom

#1: GENERAL AND DIVERSE!

Enjoy building up GENERAL knowledge about DIVERSE topics at school. Be a SPONGE and soak up all the info! (specializing at too young an age can restrict learning)

#2 STAY UNIQUE!

Don’t follow the crowd, you might get lost in it!

#3 The teacher is NOT your MOM/DAD!

What makes the teacher happy is NOT THE SAME as what makes Mom or Dad happy.

Mom or DAD might enjoy hugs & kisses, BUT a teacher would like you to do your homework!

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INCREDIBLE lesson from Violet

violetIf you’ve seen the movie “The Incredibles” (way back in 2004), you should remember Violet? She was the teenage daughter with the long black fringe of hair that hid most of her face – she was incredibly shy and lonely.

I remember an occasion when I used Violet to help a teenager I counselled a while back. This teen suffered – as Violet did – from social insecurities and thus found it incredibly difficult to make friends.

I explained to this teen, that part of Violet’s inability to make friends was because she made others afraid.

“others afraid”? YES – exactly that.violet by wall

You see when we try to make contact with others, in the aim of making friends with them, we need to reassure them that we are “friendly”, and “safe” to befriend.

When people came into contact with Violet, they felt confused and afraid because of her body language – hair covering face, body slouched and no eye contact. People interpreted this as she was hiding something and could not be trusted.

I suggested to the teen to make eye contact with the person she is befriending, thus she will reassure them that she is a “safe” friend and had nothing to hide.

SO….if you are struggling to make friends….

TIP #1: Imitate the “NEW” Violet: (see the end of the movie)

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Clip your hair back, stand tall and make eye contact – reassuring others that you are a “SAFE” and potentially GREAT FRIEND to have!

 

GUARANTEED 100% New Year’s Resolution for 2018

 

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Tradition has it, that we should make a New Year’s resolution at the beginning of each year – it’s usually a decision and a promise (to ourselves) to make a change or to start something new.

BUT, because so few of them are fulfilled, we are often left feeling a little disappointed in ourselves early in the new year.

SO, I would like to propose a “100%, guaranteed New Year’s resolution

This is how it works…100 guarentee

This New Year’s Resolution is a decision and a promise that, in 2018 you will accept that nothing is set-in-stone and that life is dynamic and changing.

This resolution is NOT the usual once-a-year promise that effects only 1 issue at the start of the year, but it is a promise to accept the FLUIDITY of your life and thus decisions and promises will be based on this acceptance and liable to change THROUGHOUT the year 2018!

A 2018 New Year’s Resolution:

“I promise to ACCEPT my dynamic life and l shall make the best decisions

AT that time, FOR that time!!”

Make 2018 New Year’s resolutions a  ” 100%, guaranteed New Year’s resolution”

STOCK UP your TOOLBOX for Christmas!

The best gift you can give yourself this Christmas is a WELL-STOCKED TOOLBOXtoolbox

Have you noticed that all successful DIY people have a well-stocked toolbox, which contains a variety of tools – general ones, and more specific ones?

Each person should have a well-stock psychologicaltoolbox”, that will contain “hammers” for fears, “screwdrivers” for security, “drills” for stability, etc.

Knowing that your “toolbox” is well stocked, empowers and brings hope of success 😊

fillig my toolbox rock

 

Note, its important to talk to someone who knows about stocking a “toolbox” thus you can make sure, all the tools are there when you need them.

A WELL- STOCKED “TOOLBOX” will be the best gift you can ever give yourself, because it will fill you confidence for the coming year 😊

time vs memories

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Often a client, who has suffered the loss of a loved one, will say things like:

” I know time will heal all things” or “It’ll get easier with time

Yet I feel that all time does is dull our MEMORIES and makes it easier to forget?        clock

So, the question is: ” Do you want to forget or are you wanting to remember the loved one without pain?”

If you want to remember without pain, then time will not help.

Perhaps we can tweak these clichés and say: “I will heal despite time” or “It’ll get easier with MEMORIES”?

So…don’t depend on time to heal you, because you will be disappointed, rather depend on MEMORIES TO HEAL 😊

i remember

“MIRROR-MIRROR ON THE WALL…”

“Mirror – Mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of us all?”

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You remember this quote? Yes, it is from Snow White.

In my “prop” collection, I have a wooden mirror, which I like to use for certain situations. On the front of the mirror is written: “This is what I see” and on the back: “is it ALL true?”

When I ask a client to describe themselves, using the mirror, I often get a string of negative adjectives…

” I’m ugly, I’m useless, I’m a failure, I’m stupid,” 

front of mirror

Then I ask them to turn the mirror around, and answer the question that is painted on the back: “Is it ALL true?”

back of mirror

The first step to working through negative self-assessment is to see what adjectives are true and what is a result of a biased or unbalanced self-view. If you say you are “stupid” is this truth? To answer this question, you first have to define what stupid is.. and so starts a realistic and truthful assessment of each negative adjective you have attributed to yourself.

The adjectives that are TRUE can CHANGED and those that are FALSE can be REMOVED from your list of self-descriptions 😊

SO ………………………… go stand in front of your mirror today……

you ask : “Mirror – Mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of us all?”

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you answer:  “I might not be the fairest, but I’m close enough!” 

LOVE AN ANGRY HULK!

As a creative counsellor, I make use of many props and visual aids in my counselling.

So today I would like to introduce my favourite one – THE ANGRY HULK

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I use HULK to bring lessons of anger across to my clients – young and old.

SO why HULK?

BECAUSE: HULK teaches us that anger in and of itself is not wrong, nor can it be unproductive. Anger is an incredibly powerful emotion, just as love and happiness are. It is responsible for changes in people’s lives and in the world today. His anger highlights injustices and victimization and exploitation of others.

ANGRY HULK is not bad, he just struggles to express this emotion like many people do.

SO  ……………………………….. LOVE THE ANGRY HULK !

 

“Have a MILKSHAKE TALK!”

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When a parent asks me, “how can I have a conversation with my reluctant child without it ending in disappointment?”, I reply…

“HAVE A MILKSHAKE TALK!”

It often happens that when a parent gets the opportunity to have that long-awaited conversation, it ends in disappointment ☹

Q: WHY?

ANS: Because you forgot to “MILKSHAKE your talk!”

When you drink an icy milkshake, you need to remember to sip it slowly, else you end up with that piercing ‘ice-cream headache”, so apply the same principle to your conversation…tension-headache

THEREFORE:

  • Take the conversation s l o w l y – don’t rush in and ask a multitude of questions
  • Let your child set the pace of the conversation and its depth.
  • Don’t try and extend the conversation when it’s clear your child doesn’t want to say more – pushing for more response is like gulping down the milkshake and you ending with an “ice-cream headache” and your child walking out in a huff

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REMEMBER: 1 successful conversation will lead to more successful conversations!!

SO…

 HAVE A MILKSHAKE TALK TODAY!!!

 

I’m Like WINDOLENE!

 

GSCLE3780When people ask me to share what it is I do, I like to use the analogy of a household detergent-Windolene

Windolene’s function is to clean a window so that you are able to see clearly through it.

As a counsellor, I perform the same function!

I help clarify any difficulties or problems a client has.

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How often do we make the mistake of making decisions based on our impressions of what we THINK the issue is because we viewing it through a dull and unclear window?

Thus, what we see is more of what we THINK we see, than what it is actually there.

Trees can look like poles and a tortoise like a rock.

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Making choices or changes built on assumptions can magnify problems in relationships, home, or within ourselves.

So…

Let me be your windolene and help you CLARIFY!